Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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