my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize