Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize