I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
