Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
