he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i already hear my dad disowning me
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
