Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
