In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
