What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
my poor anus
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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