look no pants
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
