Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
