if i can run in heels then i can drive
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
