i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
