That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
