i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
