The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Vodka?
Forever.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I need water and some morals
Randomize
