I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
