I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
