great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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