Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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