I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
