He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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