I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
