why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
