The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
