So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
