tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
