Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
