Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
