How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
