Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
