i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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