i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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