dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
