Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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