Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
