this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
