we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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