I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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