and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
