Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
