My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just cropdusted the office
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
