but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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