ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
