just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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