i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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