when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
there is puke in my bra ... again
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
