An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
