I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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