I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
