I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
