Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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