can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
