I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
