I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
