I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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