my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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