I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
