Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
