I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
