[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
