What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
