You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
