ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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