I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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