margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
