6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
