omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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